ATF: The Case of the Stolen Silver
by retirw
Summary: Ez is baffled. Vin helps out. It's our boys 'nough said


This is another ATF story that wouldn't leave me alone. I promise I am working on the Ezra joins the team story. As Mr. Standish would say "Ah refuse to appear in a less then quality introductory passage. Mah time is far to valuable to deal with a inferior story."

They don't belong to me. I make no money. I have great hopes of huge mounds of filthy lucere in which I can play for hours...never mind.

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The Case of the Stolen Silver

Monday 7:45 am

Ezra was standing in his immaculate kitchen. Once more he checked the sink the counter and finally the dishwasher.

_Ah know I left mah teaspoon in tha sink last night. Mah cup and saucer are still there. What could Ah have possibly done with it? Ah was tired certainly, but not exhausted to this extreme. Perhaps Ah should request a leave of absence? It's little things that get you killed in this business. _Ezra prepared for work while still worrying over his lapse of attention.

He calmed as the day progressed his troubling lapse didn't seem to be effecting his work performance. He relaxed and enjoyed the peculiar behavior of Mr. Sanchez.

_Josiah is certainly disturbed today. That is the third time he has hung up his phone. Now he's using Nathan's phone instead. I do believe a prank may be a foot. _Ezra sat back with a hidden smile.

The day progressed slowly reports were being prepared. They had just closed a case yesterday and were now dealing with the inevitable rain of paper. It was monotonous, except for the flurry created by a few pranks as the day progressed.

_Chris should have known better than giving us the you do it my way because I'm the man in charge speech. Ah must congratulate Vin it was a touch of brilliance. Chris isn't saying a word about it though. Every time he enters the facilities the toilets salute by raising their seats and flushing. It's really quite startling the first few times it happened. _Ezra mused cheerfully

Ezra lingered behind a moment when the others escaped. Moving over to Josiah's desk he lifted the phone calling to his own home Ezra waited for the answering machine to pick up. He then quoted a poem by Robert Burns before hanging up.

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6:25 pm

Ezra checked his answering machine while he changed into his faded and ripped jeans and a large worn T-shirt. _What Nathan doesn't know won't hurt him. _Ezra smirked as he relaxed into his normal at home dress. Bare toes curled in the soft carpet free at last from all foot wear.

_Mother? _Ezra stared at the answering machine. _Ah speech 126 the ungrateful child. Hmm nothing new. _Ezra erased the call. The answering machine announced the time and date of the next call. _Ah Josiah's phone, _Ezra stilled wanting to know what had been done to the phone.

_Oh My, one of Buck's paramours? _A wide smile grew as instead of his own voice Ezra heard a sexy throaty woman the voice brought to mind silk sheets and sweaty nights. _Wasn't Josiah arranging that soiree today? The one to promote men to be better spouses and fathers?_ Buck? JD? Which one I wonder.

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Tuesday 7:47 am

The next morning Ezra scowled into the spoonless sink. _Ah am positive ah placed the spoon in mah sink. Ah made certain last night. Cup, saucer no spoon, Is this a juvenile prank by one of my associates? _Distractedly Ezra left for work.

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Wednesday 8:15am

Ezra stared in disbelief. Yet another antique silver spoon was missing. This one had disappeared in the time it took him to set his coffee cup down and go shave.

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Thursday 11:00pm

Coming in from a short undercover assignment Ezra prepared for bed. Going to fix himself his ritual nightly cup of tea he was furious to discover every single piece of his silver tableware service was missing. An hour and a half later he was using a **_plastic spork,_** to stir his new cup of tea.

_The depths to which I have sunk. Reduced to using this bastard child of a spoon and fork. A used one at that. _Sipping his tea he gradually relaxed. Idly playing with the spork he remembered. _Vin washed and placed it to drain. A disposable utensil such as a Col. Sanders spork. I can not even imagine the poverty he has overcome. _

Rising he stopped to place his used cup in the sink before retiring for the night. Reaching the door he returned snatched up the spork and washed it, before placing it in his dressing gown pocket for safekeeping.

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Friday 9:00am

Bowing to the inevitable Ezra addressed his co-workers the next day. "Gentlemen, I would appreciate whom ever has resorted to petty theft to please return Great Aunt Hortense's silver service if you please," he sighed. Blank looks were the reaction to his announcement. Head's shook and Ezra finally excepted they had nothing to do with the pilfering.

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Friday 7:35pm

Vin was waiting on his step when Ezra returned from dinner that evening. "Mr. Tanner what brings you to my humble abode?" Ezra asked gently. On two occasions Vin had approached Ezra for assistance in just this manner. Ezra had treasured each such occurrence.

"Thought maybe yah could use some help figgerin' out what happened ta yer spoons and such," Vin smiled sheepishly.

"Ah would appreciate your assistance," Ezra returned the smile. "Although I believe your 'spidy sense' kicked in and you knew I was bringing home a torte from Abernathy's," Ezra teased.

"Yah brung one of them fancy chocolate cakes?" Vin's eyes widened. A delighted little boy grin lit his face. "Iffen I find yer silver maybe I kin have a bite?" he wheedled.

"Mr. Tanner if you don't find my silver you may have more than a simple bite my friend," Ezra answered softly. "Although neither of us will be having any I'm afraid I forgot to purchase tableware," Ezra huffed in disgust.

"Rekin I got me some incentive tah find it now don't I," Vin grinned. Standing he waited patiently while Ezra unlocked the door and turned off the alarm.

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8:27pm

Ezra shook his head in amusement as Vin examined the drawer where the silver belonged. _A forensic team would not be as through._

Vin looked up with a wide grin. "Knowed what happened," he chuckled. Standing up he walked to the back door. Letting himself out he made a through study of the windows, doors, eves and siding. "Gottcha yah little bugger," Vin hissed. Turning he now studied the yard intently.

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9:00 pm

"Vin what in blazes are you doing in a tree in my backyard at 9:00 at night?" Ezra demanded looking up.

"Want ta know about the tree er the time first?" Vin laughed.

"The **TREE**," the exasperated southerner demanded.

"Gettin' yer silver," Vin smirked dropping a silver spoon to the grass below.

"How in the world did my silverware get there?" Ezra looked bewildered.

"Yah gottcha a fuzzy tailed bandit," Vin chuckled.

Ezra hurriedly dodged as more of his tableware made it's way to the grass. "Hold on a moment while I get you a bucket," Ezra demanded.

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Saturday 2:00am

Vin patted his belly contentedly as he sat back. The pitiful remains of a chocolate torte littered the carry-out box.

"Ah can't believe we ate the whole thing," Ezra rubbed his belly looking at his plate in disbelief.

"Were mighty good though," Vin sighed. "Keep the lid on that bucket till yah kin get that eve fixed," Vin warned.

"I'm sorry about the bruises," Ezra muttered trying to keep from laughing.

"Dang squirrel," Vin growled. "I'll make me some biscuits and gravy ta go with it," Vin hissed.

"I'll fry it for you. My Aunt Beatrice had an excellent recipe," Ezra muttered in guilty satisfaction at the demise of his nemesis.

"Who the hell ever heard of a squirrel fallin' outta a tree and break it's fool neck anyway?" Vin asked in disbelief.

"Yah won't be tellin' tha fellas what happened will yah?" Vin asked pitifully.

"No Mr. Tanner I will not be admitting that two of the ATF's finest were routed out of a tree by a fuzzy tailed rat," Ezra muttered.

"They's kinda cute," Vin looked into the box on the floor.

"You have the next feeding. We can drop them off at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center in the morning on the way to Chris'," Ezra sighed. _Baby squirrels are rather cute._

Very softly Vin sang to himself as he prepared the milk replacer and got out the eyedropper. Ezra listened in amusement to his words. Sung to an old 'Nine Days' tune, Ezra hadn't ever heard this verison.

This is the story of a squirrel whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world  
And while things looked so dark and Noah's ark was absolutely flooded -- yet she's fine  
How many days were they there? Afloat in the boat it was over one year  
And how come the world didn't prepare? Meteorologists said it would clear  
How could they stand that raining? Where was the hope in the souls of the crew?  
Life on the waves is severe when it's Gilligan's Island combined with a zoo  
But Noah was aware the world would get sprayed and the rain would never fall in quite the same way  
But two of every creature would come out of things O.K.  
This is the story of a squirrel whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world  
And while things looked so bad and Noah's raft was absolutely flooded -- yet she's fine  
Have they discovered the place where the boat came to rest when the rain was all drained?  
Why don't we climb up its face? Walk up the mountain from Genesis 8?  
It's probably still there waiting there in the snow in the cold altitude  
How do we get there today when you walk into Turkey and hiking's refused?  
They've closed up the Ararat Mountains these days; there's terrorists there besides -- it ain't safe  
And they're 17,000 feet high -- I think we'll wait  
This is the story of a squirrel whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world  
And while she took no bath and those giraffes were absolutely stubborn -- yet she's fine  
Well, you're told to prepare as well and get saved and the end of the world it might be on the way  
But you'd never think you'd run out of time today  
This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world  
And when we look close at Jehovah's wrath I absolutely shudder  
This is the story of a squirrel -- I tried to sing it about the old girl  
But all this went so fast -- I've noticed that  
I accidentally snubbed her -- yet she's fine -- Oh, yes, she's fine

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I can see Vin eating the squirrel once it was dead. He wouldn't waste the meat. Besides fried squirrel is pretty good

Squirrels will steal shiny things. Crows and Racoons are even worse. I've had to recover everything from a wedding band to bridle buckles from thieving pets' nests and such.

THE STORY OF A SQUIRREL is a parody of The Story of a Girl. It's preformed by a Christian Band called The ApologetiX. They have a Website at It's free to join the fan club and you can down load a lot of their tunes free of charge when you join. They have a fascinating mix of music. Check it out some time.


End file.
